Network of Strength

A friend and PR colleague of mine asked me today if I would help out with an organization called Network of Strength, a non-profit created to raise funds for breast cancer. I’m not sure what the organization does yet, but I signed up. I need to raise $1000, and once I figure out all of the details, I’ll do it, and I'll blog about it.

Later today, I received a card from my friend T – the woman I mentioned in my April blog. I haven’t seen her since she had her mastectomy, but I’ve been keeping up on the reports from mutual friends. In her card, she told me she’s been reading my blog. (Yay! Someone reads my blog!!) Seriously, her note made me cry. It amazes me how many women I know who have gone into chemo or other treatment for cancer with incredible grace, and who come out with even more grace.

I have been thinking a lot about these incredible women, wondering how I can reach out to more of them, how I can make sure more of us are doing our part to let them know they’re not alone, how to let them know that those of us who are healthy will continue to care for ourselves, so that we can provide greater support for them.

My new look for The Haute Flash Site will be ready soon. A key vision for my site continues to be an outlet for people like T, and those of us who can offer only love and support. I am still looking for clothing, linens, and other products that will keep women feeling beautiful, regardless of whether they’re dealing with aging, female-related cancer, menopause, PMS, or simply a rotten mood. Now I hope to add Network of Strength as a way to do something more. Stay tuned for information, as I learn about it. And thanks, T, for your lovely card. It meant more than you can imagine!

Window Fan

Today, my husband is 60. He’s in Los Angeles for work, and I’m in Denver, wondering what to do to celebrate his birthday. Yes, I threw him a party, and it was a success, but it was a surprise party. Those are always so weird. Personally, I don’t like being the person for whom (at whom?) a surprise party is thrown, but that’s another story for some future blog – or not.

I want to do something low-key, but special for him. He’s not a big celebration guy, but I can’t just give him a card and call it good. He’s not terribly sentimental. In fact, he’s not at all sentimental. He’s a minimalist, who doesn’t like spending a lot of money. He likes it even less when someone spends a lot of money on him. My step-adults agree that it is difficult to figure out what gifts to give their dad/my husband. The thing is, he’s a wonderful man, and his family likes to recognize his birthday, even if he doesn’t

Sadly, I think I’m going to end up giving him a practical gift. With the record heat we’ve had in Colorado, he says at least once a day, “We really need a window fan.” It doesn’t matter if our house has A/C. We rarely use it. It’s a waste of energy and money. So I guess I’ll buy him a fan, make him a nice dinner, and give him a card. And because he never reads my blog, the fan will be one more thrilling surprise I’ll give him in honor of his 60th birthday. Wow that’s practical, and totally unromantic! I think he’s beginning to rub off on me.

On occasional blogging and my husband turning 60

Crap! I’m not following the great suggestions of social media gurus regarding blogging. Every day, I have some idea about which I might blog, but then, like so many of the trains in my brain, either the idea lacks an engine and never leaves the building, or it evaporates and is long forgotten by the time I sit down to write.

Today it’s already the first of August. I spent most of July worried about bringing on new business, migrating my website, and throwing a surprise party for my husband’s 60th. The surprise party was the most stressful. My dad died at age 59, and my oldest brother won’t be 59 until January, so I had never celebrated a man’s 60th before.

I wasn’t sure how best to celebrate my husband’s b-day, until he started saying, “When I turn 60, I’m going to celebrate the 60’s”. Because my husband was a jock in high-school and college and then joined the Navy, he didn’t experience the 1960’s the same way a lot of others did. For starters, he had short hair, didn’t smoke pot, and wasn’t a rebel.

I decided to throw him a surprise party with a 1960’s theme. It was a small affair, but I think he enjoyed it. Given that we held it a week before his actual birthday, he was indeed surprised. I’m sure he had a hunch I was up to something, but with the help of my step-son, step-daughter, daughter, mother-in-law and sister-in-law, we were able to pull it off before he figured out our plan.

So now it’s August, and my goal for the month is to turn over a new leaf when it comes to blogging. I don’t know what that will look like. Given that it’s been a challenge to blog once a month, I dare not commit to weekly, but those darn blog gurus have said I should be blogging at least daily. I’ll think about it.

Aiming for the Next Level

I want to take my website to “the next level”; although I’m not quite sure what that level is. When I first conceived The Haute Flash Site, it was to be a resource for women to deal with issues around getting older. All of the elements seemed to be there: The Women’s Lounge – a forum for online discussion and support; Haute Line– an area for women to learn about traditional and alternative medical approaches to health; this blog and a variety of products that make a woman feel her best, even if she’s in the throes of menopause.

Many people tell me they know of a site that is just like mine. I hope not, but as I’ve said before, there are plenty of women dealing with aging and everything that goes with getting older. Until we become comfortable with who we are, learn to take care of ourselves, and celebrate the wisdom that comes with aging, there will be no such thing as too many resources.

In the next 30 days, I will migrate my site over to a different web developer. My current web person is a gem, and I will continue to send work her way. This next step will provide me with an integrated solution and the ability to manage my site without being a technology wizard. The new solution will also keep the spammers out of The Women’s Lounge. Maybe once I spruce up my site, I’ll actually keep it updated. What a concept!

My Best Friend's Daughter's Wedding

Some days, I can’t believe I’m 50. Memories from my childhood and adolescence seem so recent. I look at them as these isolated episodes, and I think it wasn’t that long ago they occurred. Then I see the many other memories piled on top of them, and I’m amazed. When I was in the fourth grade, I remember telling my brother Rory that time seemed to be moving a lot faster. A few years older than I, he said, “Just wait. The older you get, the faster the time will move.” Whenever I sense time zipping past me, I think of him saying that.

Late last month, I attended the wedding of Kate, the oldest daughter of my friend Peggy. Peggy is one of two friends I’ve known since I was four. The youngest of seven, Peggy grew up in my neighborhood. We went to school together from first grade until sixth, and then we went through high-school together.

I have seen many brides look like they’re in costume at their weddings. Kate was in no costume. From the time Kate entered the world, she hasn’t been one to fuss much over makeup, hair and other girlie stuff, but on her wedding day, she truly was a vision of beauty. Her hair was swept up. Her makeup was perfectly understated, and her dress was stunning on her. She was in her element.

As Kate walked down the aisle, I watched Peggy’s expression. It was full of such love and pride. The reception was a blur of hugging, kissing, and best wish-giving. It was Kate’s moment to shine, and Peggy’s moment to enjoy. I knew we’d have a chance to talk about it later.

I know it has to be a sense of accomplishment, knowing your progeny has found love. But then what? How do you trust that other person to love your child unconditionally - how do you KNOW they will bring out the best in each other?

I haven’t had a chance to talk to Peggy much since the wedding. She is still catching up on work. I look forward to spending time with her and learning about this next chapter in her life as a woman, as a grown-up, as a mother.

Fragile, Fragile Life

Caitlin (my daughter) called me on Monday to tell me that over the weekend, her friend Lily had been in a serious accident. Lily is in the surgical ICU at a local hospital – fortunately, the hospital is probably the best in the state for treating trauma. Right now, there’s a lot of praying, waiting and hoping for the best.

Over the years, I have watched Lily bloom from a little girl into a lovely and confident young woman. In spite of being a little shy, she has scads of friends. She also has a wonderful family, including Jackie, her sweet and gentle mom, who has basically camped out in the hospital waiting room since Lily’s accident.

I haven’t seen Lily in about a year, but when she and Caitlin were in middle and high-school, if she wasn’t at our house, Caitlin was at hers. Jackie and I took the girls to Santa Fe to celebrate the February they turned 13. We shared a suite at an old hotel in Las Vegas, New Mexico and drove an hour south to Santa Fe to tour museums, visit churches, and take pictures. I’ve been looking at those pictures the past couple of days.

Yesterday I went by the hospital, as Caitlin was there with some of Lily’s other friends. Jackie was there, of course, and the minute I saw her, I could feel her heavy heart. She looked so tired. I gave her a big hug. Before I could stop myself before the words, “How are you doing?” slipped out of my mouth. How could anyone be doing under those circumstances?

Women should not be fighting for their lives at the age of 25. Mothers with daughters so young should not have to experience such gut-wrenching anguish. I can only imagine the desperation Jackie feels not being able to hear Lily’s voice. I know Lily is a fighter. Reports are that she is responding to the medical professionals treating her.

All of the usual stuff that I let get under my skin seems absolutely trivial right now. Life can be so fragile. I hold Lily and her family deep in my heart. To visit the website created to keep everyone updated on Lily’s progress and to contribute to her medical costs, go to http://www.lilliancollier.org.

Celebrating 50

In a matter of days, I turn 50. That number seems so big – not ancient – but certainly not insignificant. In the past, people used to think I looked much younger. I don’t think that’s the case anymore. I honestly don’t know what 50 is supposed to look like.

Everybody has a birthday, so my turning 50 is no more important than my daughter turning 25, or my nephew turning 15. Birthdays are really a very personal thing. It’s not up to the rest of the world to do a happy dance and lavish me with gifts because I’m one year older. It’s up to me how or if I want to celebrate. To mark my half-century of life, I’m finally going to Europe. There, I’ll see my step-daughter in the UK. On my actual birthday, I’m flying to Paris to see a friend who lives in France.

When I tell people my age, some flinch – as though I’ve asked if they want to see my scars from surgery. It’s as if I’m providing too much information. I don’t walze into a room and announce, “Hey, PEOPLE, I’m turning 50!” I just don’t avoid talking about my age.

I think our society has a long way to go before the majority of us accept getting older. But getting older does not mean we have to rot on the vine. I know I’ll have to work that much harder this next phase of my life to stay healthy and in decent shape, but I’m determined to prove that turning 50 means we're just getting started….