It's Not Getting Older I Mind... It's Getting Old.

I’ve been trying to stop by my mom’s at least once a week. She is so capable, and the last thing she wants is for anyone to consider her old, but I know that at 86, she doesn’t have the energy she once did. Here senses are also not quite as acute. We have a ritual, where I track down the moldy food item producing the offensive odor in her fridge. Once I’ve done that, we make lunch, and then we sit and chat. After lunch, I clean the dishes. I wrap up my visit by wiping off smudges of newsprint she's left on wall switches and doors. She's about 4'10", so it's easy to tell which are the prints she's left behind. Shortly after I leave, she takes a nap. The napping thing is not new to Mom. She has always been a napper – something I inherited from her. Nothing like a great nap to rejuvenate a body!

Mom tells me she doesn’t mind getting older. It’s getting old she hates. I know that Mom appreciates every day of life she’s lived. I also know that as she gets older, things that used to be trivial are now significant issues. When she fell last month, it was scary. I fall, and I’m a klutz. She falls, and the rest of us hold our breaths. She is also more sensitive to harsh words. Mom has never liked confrontation. When I’m feeling a bit “hormonal” and bitchy, I can see my mom flinch. I try to contain these little outbursts, but there are those days…

Earlier this morning, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it by my mom’s today. I’m so glad I made the time. Ever the gracious person, she always sends me on my way with a big hug and says, “Thank you SO much for coming over.” No, Little Mom. Thank you.

Nearly Two Months Later

I didn’t blog once during October. I spent the month working on new business, dealing with personal stuff, and avoiding television commercials. How is it that the right to vote, which is so key to our democracy in the U.S. has become such contentious ground? I love that people are so passionate about presidential candidates, but these men are just men. They are not genies who can deliver us from evil and greed, or bestow us with wealth and self-fulfillment. Besides, as my family will attest, I don’t like talking politics. I’m not going to change anyone’s mind – nor is s/he going to change mine.

So now it’s November. Tomorrow we vote for our first African American president, or our first female vice president. Either one is significant. Either is historic. Our sons and daughters finally know that regardless of race or gender, they can aspire to vice-president of president. It is that fact I celebrate – whatever the outcome of the election.

And now that October is behind me, and the election will soon be decided, I feel a bit more focused. I think I'll be more productive.

Day of Silence

I’ve been on Twitter for a few months now (http://twitter.com/HauteFlash) I’m not great at “tweeting". I can share my random activities and thoughts or pass along my passionate beliefs, but I’m still afraid of the whole “@” response thing. Plus, I kind of like watching everyone’s conversations, rather than getting into them (does that make me a voyeur?)

I saw a tweet today that took me to a blog /tinyurl.com/5fjwga. There, a woman writes about taking a break tomorrow from social media in honor of those who died on 9/11. So because today is still 9/10, I am submitting a blog entry instead of the one I’d planned to post tomorrow.

I knew a woman, who was killed, along with her family, on one of the planes that hit the Twin Towers. I think about her, and I say a prayer for her survivors, just as I say a prayer for the others who struggle each anniversary of 9/11 – each anniversary of some date that brings to mind the people who are no longer with us.

Regardless of one’s political or religious beliefs, horrible, senseless things happen to wonderful people. No amount of empathy or caring words will take away the gut-wrenching pain that strikes those affected by these events. Tomorrow, I will not participate in sharing good karma, green patches, or sea creatures on Face Book. I won’t update with random tweets on Twitter. I will be quiet.

The 20-or-so people who follow me on Twitter (mostly friends) and Face Book “friends” may not notice, but I like that someone out there recognizes the importance of taking time to reflect. So tomorrow, I will pass on my newly-formed social media habit to take time to think of those who had no time to kiss their loved ones one last time, apologize for silly arguments, know how much they mattered... Tomorrow, I will be quiet.

Thanks for the idea!

Network of Strength

A friend and PR colleague of mine asked me today if I would help out with an organization called Network of Strength, a non-profit created to raise funds for breast cancer. I’m not sure what the organization does yet, but I signed up. I need to raise $1000, and once I figure out all of the details, I’ll do it, and I'll blog about it.

Later today, I received a card from my friend T – the woman I mentioned in my April blog. I haven’t seen her since she had her mastectomy, but I’ve been keeping up on the reports from mutual friends. In her card, she told me she’s been reading my blog. (Yay! Someone reads my blog!!) Seriously, her note made me cry. It amazes me how many women I know who have gone into chemo or other treatment for cancer with incredible grace, and who come out with even more grace.

I have been thinking a lot about these incredible women, wondering how I can reach out to more of them, how I can make sure more of us are doing our part to let them know they’re not alone, how to let them know that those of us who are healthy will continue to care for ourselves, so that we can provide greater support for them.

My new look for The Haute Flash Site will be ready soon. A key vision for my site continues to be an outlet for people like T, and those of us who can offer only love and support. I am still looking for clothing, linens, and other products that will keep women feeling beautiful, regardless of whether they’re dealing with aging, female-related cancer, menopause, PMS, or simply a rotten mood. Now I hope to add Network of Strength as a way to do something more. Stay tuned for information, as I learn about it. And thanks, T, for your lovely card. It meant more than you can imagine!

Window Fan

Today, my husband is 60. He’s in Los Angeles for work, and I’m in Denver, wondering what to do to celebrate his birthday. Yes, I threw him a party, and it was a success, but it was a surprise party. Those are always so weird. Personally, I don’t like being the person for whom (at whom?) a surprise party is thrown, but that’s another story for some future blog – or not.

I want to do something low-key, but special for him. He’s not a big celebration guy, but I can’t just give him a card and call it good. He’s not terribly sentimental. In fact, he’s not at all sentimental. He’s a minimalist, who doesn’t like spending a lot of money. He likes it even less when someone spends a lot of money on him. My step-adults agree that it is difficult to figure out what gifts to give their dad/my husband. The thing is, he’s a wonderful man, and his family likes to recognize his birthday, even if he doesn’t

Sadly, I think I’m going to end up giving him a practical gift. With the record heat we’ve had in Colorado, he says at least once a day, “We really need a window fan.” It doesn’t matter if our house has A/C. We rarely use it. It’s a waste of energy and money. So I guess I’ll buy him a fan, make him a nice dinner, and give him a card. And because he never reads my blog, the fan will be one more thrilling surprise I’ll give him in honor of his 60th birthday. Wow that’s practical, and totally unromantic! I think he’s beginning to rub off on me.

On occasional blogging and my husband turning 60

Crap! I’m not following the great suggestions of social media gurus regarding blogging. Every day, I have some idea about which I might blog, but then, like so many of the trains in my brain, either the idea lacks an engine and never leaves the building, or it evaporates and is long forgotten by the time I sit down to write.

Today it’s already the first of August. I spent most of July worried about bringing on new business, migrating my website, and throwing a surprise party for my husband’s 60th. The surprise party was the most stressful. My dad died at age 59, and my oldest brother won’t be 59 until January, so I had never celebrated a man’s 60th before.

I wasn’t sure how best to celebrate my husband’s b-day, until he started saying, “When I turn 60, I’m going to celebrate the 60’s”. Because my husband was a jock in high-school and college and then joined the Navy, he didn’t experience the 1960’s the same way a lot of others did. For starters, he had short hair, didn’t smoke pot, and wasn’t a rebel.

I decided to throw him a surprise party with a 1960’s theme. It was a small affair, but I think he enjoyed it. Given that we held it a week before his actual birthday, he was indeed surprised. I’m sure he had a hunch I was up to something, but with the help of my step-son, step-daughter, daughter, mother-in-law and sister-in-law, we were able to pull it off before he figured out our plan.

So now it’s August, and my goal for the month is to turn over a new leaf when it comes to blogging. I don’t know what that will look like. Given that it’s been a challenge to blog once a month, I dare not commit to weekly, but those darn blog gurus have said I should be blogging at least daily. I’ll think about it.

Aiming for the Next Level

I want to take my website to “the next level”; although I’m not quite sure what that level is. When I first conceived The Haute Flash Site, it was to be a resource for women to deal with issues around getting older. All of the elements seemed to be there: The Women’s Lounge – a forum for online discussion and support; Haute Line– an area for women to learn about traditional and alternative medical approaches to health; this blog and a variety of products that make a woman feel her best, even if she’s in the throes of menopause.

Many people tell me they know of a site that is just like mine. I hope not, but as I’ve said before, there are plenty of women dealing with aging and everything that goes with getting older. Until we become comfortable with who we are, learn to take care of ourselves, and celebrate the wisdom that comes with aging, there will be no such thing as too many resources.

In the next 30 days, I will migrate my site over to a different web developer. My current web person is a gem, and I will continue to send work her way. This next step will provide me with an integrated solution and the ability to manage my site without being a technology wizard. The new solution will also keep the spammers out of The Women’s Lounge. Maybe once I spruce up my site, I’ll actually keep it updated. What a concept!