Celebrating 50

In a matter of days, I turn 50. That number seems so big – not ancient – but certainly not insignificant. In the past, people used to think I looked much younger. I don’t think that’s the case anymore. I honestly don’t know what 50 is supposed to look like.

Everybody has a birthday, so my turning 50 is no more important than my daughter turning 25, or my nephew turning 15. Birthdays are really a very personal thing. It’s not up to the rest of the world to do a happy dance and lavish me with gifts because I’m one year older. It’s up to me how or if I want to celebrate. To mark my half-century of life, I’m finally going to Europe. There, I’ll see my step-daughter in the UK. On my actual birthday, I’m flying to Paris to see a friend who lives in France.

When I tell people my age, some flinch – as though I’ve asked if they want to see my scars from surgery. It’s as if I’m providing too much information. I don’t walze into a room and announce, “Hey, PEOPLE, I’m turning 50!” I just don’t avoid talking about my age.

I think our society has a long way to go before the majority of us accept getting older. But getting older does not mean we have to rot on the vine. I know I’ll have to work that much harder this next phase of my life to stay healthy and in decent shape, but I’m determined to prove that turning 50 means we're just getting started….

Thinking about another woman diagnosed with breast cancer

The other night I dreamt that my hair was thinning to the point where I had more bald spots than hair. My hair has never been thick, but because it is naturally curly, it looks a lot fuller than it is.

The thinning hair dream is a replacement for the recurring dreams I used to have, in which my teeth would fall out. Once I got my braces, those dreams stopped. I’m not sure which stresses me out more – the thought of going bald or the thought of being toothless. My preference is that neither would happen.

The thing is, in the big scheme of things, I’m healthy. If I lose all my teeth or hair, I will live through it. I’ve recently heard that another woman, dear to my heart, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is the person who asked me to find a way on my website to talk about how women can keep from losing their lustre as they age. “T” told me she felt she’d lost her lustre, but she is one of the loveliest women I know – physically and emotionally.

It is difficult for me to find time to update my blogs and chase pervs off the Women’s Lounge (forum) portion of TheHauteFlashSite, but the reason I wanted to create my site was to give myself an outlet for dealing with getting older, while also promoting the idea that when any of our sisters, mothers, partners or friends are dealing with something tough, we need to be there for them.

I haven't addressed T's request to address the loss of lustre, but in spite of what she thinks, T's lustre remains ever-present. If she were to lose every tooth in her mouth and every strand of her hair, she would still be radiant.

Spring

Hooray, it’s spring! I love this time of year. Gardeners are preparing their soil. Trees are starting to bud. Robins are gathering in the trees, and flowers are beginning to bloom. Even if we get a seasonal snow, I know that soon, the crunching sound of cars on icy snow will give way to the hum of lawn mowers and the chatter of birds and squirrels.

I think I’m ready for this spring. In spite of my mantra that women shouldn’t sweat getting older, I must admit I am sweating the big 5-oh, which will hit me in about six weeks. Next week, my daughter is taking me to the hot springs in Buena Vista, Colorado (The locals pronounce it Bewnee). Because she’s on spring break, this is the best time for her to give me an early birthday present. We’ll spend two days hanging out and catching up. I’m looking forward to it.

Another layoff

I have just experienced another layoff. As a consultant to the company conducting the layoffs, I didn’t lose my livelihood. I lost a client. Even so, it was a wretched experience. Layoffs always come as an incredible blow. The employer may tell us, “Don’t take this personally, it has nothing to do with you…” If I’m the one who got laid off, I can’t help but take it personally.

After the shock of being told your job is going away, there’s the reality of the dreaded job search. For every new position that opens, there are countless applicants. Some possess youthful looks, and lack encumbrances like families, mortgages, and credit card debt. Others may lack the wisdom, seasoning, and customer service skills that we mid-lifers have gathered over the years, but they may be more flexible with salaries or familiar with newer technology to give them just enough of an edge to get the job offer. If we have become complacent in our jobs, or if we haven't developed new skills, we don’t stand a chance in such a competitive job market.

I understand why these most recent layoffs occurred. I cannot vilify my client. Business, after all, is business. I can feel compassion for those who have to figure out what to do next, after the reality has set in. Those who’ve read my blog may wonder what this has to do with getting older. Sadly, the older we get, the greater our chances of being laid off. Many of us have endured this experience more than once. No matter how many times I’ve seen been down this road, it doesn’t get easier – and after witnessing this last round, I’ve decided it gets worse.

The Haute Flash Site is Officially Up and Running!

Today is a now or never day. For several months, I’ve wondered when I should officially launch The Haute Flash Site. I considered my birthday or Mother’s Day, but both are too far out. Waiting until May will give me more excuses to postpone committing to my site. St. Patrick’s Day might have worked, but I’d rather not have my site associated with a drinking holiday, and I would hope I celebrate my Irish heritage every day. So I selected Leap Day.

My Web site is a leap of faith that others will consider it a worthwhile resource. It is also leap of faith that I will make time to contribute to my blog and keep the content on the site current. I’ve run into a few hiccups along the way with this site. I look at what is on there now and think, “It’s so empty!”

I am taking that leap of faith that The Haute Flash Site will continue to bloom and in time, it will welcome a steady stream of visitors – wise women sharing lessons, young women sharing dreams – every visitor discovering new and valuable information each time she (and he) visits.

Celebrating my mother's 86th birthday

Today is my mother’s 86th birthday. On Sunday, she sent me a text message which read,
“In 2 days I will b 86 imagine that good grief many exclamation pts”

I think she’s figured out punctuation, but what’s the point of punctuating text messages? I understood exactly what she was telling me.

My dad died 28 years ago, when he was 59. All six of the kids in my family were out of the house by then, which meant Mom’s house was a very empty and quiet nest. She grieved our father, but she also got a part-time job, played bridge regularly, made new friends, went for walks, and remained an avid reader.

When her eight grandchildren came along, she had a new hobby and a venerated status among her grandkiddos. My mom was a wonderful mother, but she is a perfect grandmother. Without my mother, I don’t know how I would have coped as a single mom. She and my daughter had a standing Thursday night date, when Mom would pick up Caitlin from school, go out to dinner, and spend the rest of the evening playing board games. (At 86, Mom still plays a mean game of Chinese Checkers and can beat almost any opponent!)

It is rather remarkable to think of my mom at 86 – especially when so many of my friends’ mothers have passed away. It is daunting to consider getting older and facing all that goes with it, but Mom has faced her age with grace, humor, and a hefty dose of patience. Her attitude inspires me. Happy Birthday, Patsy (many exclamation points)

Recently, I had dinner with a friend who is a good 10 years younger than I am. We talked about her birthday, which was coming up in a few days, as well as mine, which is coming up in a few months. When I brought up the subject of age, my friend became noticeably uncomfortable, said she was approaching 40, but that she wouldn’t be that old for a while, and she quickly moved off the topic..

I can’t judge her for not wanting to reveal or talk about her age. I’m not exactly thrilled to be turning 50, but I’m not going to let myself freak out that I’m getting older. What does freak me out is wondering how much I’ve accomplished in 50 years. As a graduate of an all-female high school, I don’t stress out about looking great for my reunions. I worry about measuring up to the accomplishments of my former schoolmates. I’m not talking about the women who married into money. Hooray for them for striking it rich, and all that, but they’re not the ones whose accomplishments blow me away.

My classmates’ careers include stay-at-home moms, bartenders, accomplished musicians, nurses, teachers, brain surgeons, lawyers, and just about everything in between. Those women who have learned to love themselves while caring for others are the women I admire – the women who are comfortable in their own skin, however toned, or fleshy or tan it may be.

While I haven’t officially launched my website, it is scary to declare my age to those who stumble upon or are aware of my blog. I’m resisting the anxiety that starts to natter at me whenever I write about my age, but being anxious about who I am and what I’ve done at this stage is not something I expect to overcome any time soon.