Another layoff

I have just experienced another layoff. As a consultant to the company conducting the layoffs, I didn’t lose my livelihood. I lost a client. Even so, it was a wretched experience. Layoffs always come as an incredible blow. The employer may tell us, “Don’t take this personally, it has nothing to do with you…” If I’m the one who got laid off, I can’t help but take it personally.

After the shock of being told your job is going away, there’s the reality of the dreaded job search. For every new position that opens, there are countless applicants. Some possess youthful looks, and lack encumbrances like families, mortgages, and credit card debt. Others may lack the wisdom, seasoning, and customer service skills that we mid-lifers have gathered over the years, but they may be more flexible with salaries or familiar with newer technology to give them just enough of an edge to get the job offer. If we have become complacent in our jobs, or if we haven't developed new skills, we don’t stand a chance in such a competitive job market.

I understand why these most recent layoffs occurred. I cannot vilify my client. Business, after all, is business. I can feel compassion for those who have to figure out what to do next, after the reality has set in. Those who’ve read my blog may wonder what this has to do with getting older. Sadly, the older we get, the greater our chances of being laid off. Many of us have endured this experience more than once. No matter how many times I’ve seen been down this road, it doesn’t get easier – and after witnessing this last round, I’ve decided it gets worse.

The Haute Flash Site is Officially Up and Running!

Today is a now or never day. For several months, I’ve wondered when I should officially launch The Haute Flash Site. I considered my birthday or Mother’s Day, but both are too far out. Waiting until May will give me more excuses to postpone committing to my site. St. Patrick’s Day might have worked, but I’d rather not have my site associated with a drinking holiday, and I would hope I celebrate my Irish heritage every day. So I selected Leap Day.

My Web site is a leap of faith that others will consider it a worthwhile resource. It is also leap of faith that I will make time to contribute to my blog and keep the content on the site current. I’ve run into a few hiccups along the way with this site. I look at what is on there now and think, “It’s so empty!”

I am taking that leap of faith that The Haute Flash Site will continue to bloom and in time, it will welcome a steady stream of visitors – wise women sharing lessons, young women sharing dreams – every visitor discovering new and valuable information each time she (and he) visits.

Celebrating my mother's 86th birthday

Today is my mother’s 86th birthday. On Sunday, she sent me a text message which read,
“In 2 days I will b 86 imagine that good grief many exclamation pts”

I think she’s figured out punctuation, but what’s the point of punctuating text messages? I understood exactly what she was telling me.

My dad died 28 years ago, when he was 59. All six of the kids in my family were out of the house by then, which meant Mom’s house was a very empty and quiet nest. She grieved our father, but she also got a part-time job, played bridge regularly, made new friends, went for walks, and remained an avid reader.

When her eight grandchildren came along, she had a new hobby and a venerated status among her grandkiddos. My mom was a wonderful mother, but she is a perfect grandmother. Without my mother, I don’t know how I would have coped as a single mom. She and my daughter had a standing Thursday night date, when Mom would pick up Caitlin from school, go out to dinner, and spend the rest of the evening playing board games. (At 86, Mom still plays a mean game of Chinese Checkers and can beat almost any opponent!)

It is rather remarkable to think of my mom at 86 – especially when so many of my friends’ mothers have passed away. It is daunting to consider getting older and facing all that goes with it, but Mom has faced her age with grace, humor, and a hefty dose of patience. Her attitude inspires me. Happy Birthday, Patsy (many exclamation points)

Recently, I had dinner with a friend who is a good 10 years younger than I am. We talked about her birthday, which was coming up in a few days, as well as mine, which is coming up in a few months. When I brought up the subject of age, my friend became noticeably uncomfortable, said she was approaching 40, but that she wouldn’t be that old for a while, and she quickly moved off the topic..

I can’t judge her for not wanting to reveal or talk about her age. I’m not exactly thrilled to be turning 50, but I’m not going to let myself freak out that I’m getting older. What does freak me out is wondering how much I’ve accomplished in 50 years. As a graduate of an all-female high school, I don’t stress out about looking great for my reunions. I worry about measuring up to the accomplishments of my former schoolmates. I’m not talking about the women who married into money. Hooray for them for striking it rich, and all that, but they’re not the ones whose accomplishments blow me away.

My classmates’ careers include stay-at-home moms, bartenders, accomplished musicians, nurses, teachers, brain surgeons, lawyers, and just about everything in between. Those women who have learned to love themselves while caring for others are the women I admire – the women who are comfortable in their own skin, however toned, or fleshy or tan it may be.

While I haven’t officially launched my website, it is scary to declare my age to those who stumble upon or are aware of my blog. I’m resisting the anxiety that starts to natter at me whenever I write about my age, but being anxious about who I am and what I’ve done at this stage is not something I expect to overcome any time soon.

It’s 2008. I’m trying not to be trite by listing any lame New Year’s resolutions, but for heaven’s sake, I’m turning 50 this year! My catch-phrase for The Haute Flash Site is “women shouldn’t sweat getting older”. I do not want to sweat getting older. It beats dying, and I don’t want to be one of those women with a face lift-induced expression of perpetual surprise. Still, it’s a bit startling to discover that the lines in the corners of my eyes, that I’d thought might be smeared makeup, are wrinkles.

I haven’t completely recovered from adolescence, and here I am, wrinkly. On the other hand, my little mom, who turns 86 this year, doesn’t fret about her wrinkles. For her, the issue is the loss of dear friends. The past three years have been the worst for Mom, as many of her dearest friends have left this life. She reads the obituary section of the Denver Post daily, just to see if she recognizes any of the names, whose memorial services or funerals are taking place.

Over Thanksgiving, my oldest nephew taught my mother to text message. Brendan has the patience and ability to simply complex issues for an 85-year-old. As a result of Brendan’s stellar efforts, my mom now sends me daily text messages, telling me she is awake, but going back to sleep, that she has returned from the grocery store (or “the market”, as she often calls it), or that she’s watching Jeopardy and will call me when the show is over.

As I get closer to 50, I know I will think about this milestone – A LOT. For inspiration on how to embrace life and how to not sweat getting older, I read the latest text message from my mom. It reads, “Hip hip hooray im up and ready for another day” (She doesn’t know how to add punctuation or to capitalize. I’m hoping Brendan can teach her during spring break….)

Last month, I hit the half-way point with my braces. I don’t want to get my hopes up that I will actually be freed of these metal encumbrances on my teeth by the end of October, 2008, but I really, really want these suckers off! I’m supposed to wear my rubber band all the darn time, but I fear that I’m in for another root canal – my second since I got braces. The horrible pain that shoots from my gums up into my eye socket might be a clue. The rubber band seems to intensify the pain. I know my orthodontist is going to lecture me about wearing my rubber bands. She’s a great doctor, and I know I’m in good hands, but a) Unlike many of her other patients, whose parents or insurance companies are covering the cost of orthodontia, I’m the one financing this wretched torture that is supposed to result in healthy teeth and a winning smile and b) I’m not a teenager! I’m a menopausal woman, whose cheery disposition is in hibernation until I’m either finished with tthese dreadful "sudden sweats", or these damn braces come off!

Now that I am closer to launching TheHauteFlashSite.com, I guess I’d better update this blog more regularly. I first started telling people about my website a year ago. This past July, I began giving my Haute Flash Fans to female friends and strangers. I find it remarkable how many women respond to the idea of my site. To have a resource where women can learn about menopause or other matters that relate to getting older is still a novel idea. There are a few really great sites out there. One site, www.hystersisters.com, provides helpful information about hysterectomies. Women can learn why others have opted for various types of hysterectomies and can find moral support before, during and after having a hysterectomy.

I first visited hystersisters two years after my “hyst.”, and the information was relevant helpful. My doc had recommended hormone replacement to see me through menopause. To learn from those who had actually taken this hormone, I participated in online discussions on hystersisters. Some of the women said the hormone treatment in question would definitely help. Others said to proceed with caution. Before making up my mind, I researched the alternatives. I then asked my oldest sister (I have three) for her opinion. As a nurse and cancer survivor, her professional knowledge and personal experience make her a credible and compassionate resource. She reiterated what she has told me before, “With our family’s cancer history, hormone replacement isn’t a good idea.”

I passed on the hormone treatment my doc recommended. I was fortunate to be able to make an informed decision. To figure out the best way to approach menopause, or other aspects of getting older, women need to research what works for them. We have choices, and we have an abundance of information available to help determine what the right choice is for each of us. It's basic common sense, but I think that so many of us feel we're the first ones to experience menopause. Read literature. Talk to a variety of medical providers and practitioners of alternative medicine. I think the best research is to listen to those women who have gone through menopause. Not only have they walked in our shoes; they have left a clearly marked path for us to follow.